Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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