He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
