somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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