I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
