Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
