I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
