Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
