I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
