Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
