I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
