Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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