either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
