I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
