Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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