I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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