i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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