I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
