sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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