A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
