I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
