before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
