pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
