i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
