Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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