Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
