It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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