you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
