Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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