Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
