spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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