I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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