Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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