I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
