dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
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Did I show you my penis last night?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
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I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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