I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
