you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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