so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
