I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
