This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
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You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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