census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
