i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
this is an emotional support booty call
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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