it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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