I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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