Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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