Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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