Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She bit a glass in half.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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