My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
