neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
