I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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