The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
