Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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