we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Green mimosas i think yes
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
