I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
