Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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