i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
