You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i think my mom watched the whole time
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
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I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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