I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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