Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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