the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
