There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
