So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
