If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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