I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
