i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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